If you read this, chances are you’re single in search of a partner. You already know being single in this part of the world can be, shall we say, challenging. We’re inundated with messages that suggest “True happiness is reserved for couples and families.” While you’re frantically pursuing a partner who will finally make you happy, complete and acceptable in the eyes of others, the unhappily coupled (contrary to billboard messages, they do exist in abundance) are more likely to pay attention to a different message: “Being single is exciting. Singles are wild things, free birds who think nothing of flying to Peru on a whim for a 3-week hike in the Andes.” The result is everyone wants to trade places, and once there, trade back. Nobody’s happy.
We are being played like ping-pong balls. Just when you thought you were somewhat okay, another deficiency is pointed out. I’d like to write a list of the top 10 alternatives to this madness, but there’s only one, really: Pay attention!
Start noticing the messages you’re taking in. You’ll find them running circles in your head as you drive to work, perform mundane tasks, exercise—“Should I get a prescription for… I might have symptoms of…I’m tired of driving this bland car…need something more exciting…this air freshener I heard about…” We already know there’s no end to this, but like the bunny with the carrot dangling in front of his nose, we keep running after solutions to our imagined problems. The better, more acceptable, cooler and happier “me” must be just around the corner.
While chasing that carrot, we forget one simple truth: Each one of us is already enough; we’re standing on a field of carrots, right here, right now. What if we shifted the focus from “out there” to “within” and started digging?
How’s this relevant to dating? Simple. Find within you the qualities you seek in a partner. You want a partner that’s kind? Become kindness; live it, breathe it, pass it on. Want someone who’s physically fit? Become fit first. Looking for someone who’s honest? Be very diligent about the truth of your own words. Once you discover what you seek within you, you will find it reflected in the world. Smile at others, and you will find a friendlier world out there. It all starts with you.
May 26th, 2008
Posted by Christa
In the matchmaking world, we see day in and day out what makes people successful in their dating lives.
Frequently, individuals are passive in their approach to making a connection to others while dating. Healthy flirting is the best way to “send signals” to the people you date to get them to open up, feel comfortable, and let them know the real you. (more…)
May 14th, 2008
Posted by Matt
Okay I’ve said this before, but spring really is here and since I’m a “glass half full” kind of gal, I’m stickin’ to it. That said, the weather IS going to get better and we’re going to be outside much more often. So what does one wear on a summer date?
Here are my fool-proof, Go-To date solutions for ladies and gents: (more…)
May 4th, 2008
Posted by Amy
Being in the dating business for the last ten, almost eleven years, we at Table for Two have heard feedback from thousands of first dates. First dates are tough! There is often a lot of anxiety and people can say and do things that are outside their normal character because their nerves get the better of them. Sometimes it just helps to hear what is and is not acceptable on a first date. Our tips are all common sense; but, if you review them periodically, you may avoid the all too common foot-in-mouth syndrome!
#10) Don’t go into a first date with undue pressure on the outcome. The best outcome of a first date, is a second date! If you go into a first date with the expectation that you are on your way to meet your future spouse, you are setting yourself up for disaster and you will appear desperate. Be open and relaxed and go into the date hoping to meet a new friend. If you are attracted to each other as friends, then the next steps will follow. Discover that spark through getting to know each other. Don’t force it!
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May 1st, 2008
Posted by Matt
One of the most common questions I get is “Amy, how do I get that ‘put together’ or ‘polished’ look?” The answer is easier than you think. Two of the biggest fashion myths are:
1.) That if the clothes don’t fit you off the rack, then there’s something wrong with your body.
WRONG! There’s something funky about the garment, be it cut, color or fabric.
2.) That you have to spend a lot of money to look good.
WRONG! All you need is a good tailor.
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April 28th, 2008
Posted by Amy
Have you ever noticed people are more drawn to you when you feel good? Do you feel more confident when you are happy? Have you ever watched an ordinary looking person transform into sheer beauty when taken over by a genuine smile? Happy people are attractive regardless of their physical endowments. Do you know what it is that makes you happy? Here are some thoughts:
- Shift your focus. Think of what it is that you can do right now to create the life you want. If you think your boss, brother, neighbor, fellow driver or friend are responsible for how you feel, think again. You’re the one in charge. You choose the thoughts which give rise to feelings, which in turn create your reality. Stop the blame-game, you won’t win. Instead, ask yourself what you can do to fix a situation that brings you down.
- Take care of your body. When our physical needs are unmet, we tend to feel tired and worn out rather than happy. Adequate sleep, proper relaxation, as well as healthy nutrition and regular exercise go a long way in promoting a sense of well-being.
- Pay attention to your emotions. Thoughts create feelings, and–like it or not–feelings make most of our day-to-day decisions. When you notice your emotions are turbulent, get help. Find a trusted friend or a professional to help you take a closer look at the problem.
- Feed your soul. In my work with terminally ill patients I learned this: the love we give and receive is the only thing that matters. All else is non-essential. You cannot possibly miss the purpose of your life when you cultivate compassion—love’s life blood.
- Cultivate relationships. People are happier, healthier and more resilient when they have a strong support system of friends and family. We all need that shoulder to lean on from time to time. Be good to your friends. Fix broken family ties. Forgive and let go; it will make you light enough to move forward.
April 22nd, 2008
Posted by Christa
People often don’t give much thought to their accessories until it’s time to use them in front of others they’re trying to impress. Case in point the gentleman that goes to reach for his wallet only to have to use both hands to pry the overstuffed billfold out of his back pocket and once accessed, it’s barely held together by the original stitching.
Or take the lady who goes to retrieve her car keys only to end up elbow-deep at the bottom of her handbag/totebag/briefcase/lunch sack relying on the senses of touch and hearing to find them.
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April 21st, 2008
Posted by Amy
Okay, so spring’s here (I swear) & I think everyone can agree that we’ve just all about had it with this weather. I know I have. So I’m going to challenge you to do a little spring cleaning in your clothes closets only I’m gonna help make it easy for you.
When I’m working with clients, ideally, I like to be able to view all of their inventory so we can take stock of what’s worthy of their precious closet real estate. The closets of my dreams have 3 key things…
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April 14th, 2008
Posted by Amy
You’ve experienced the ups and downs of single parenthood. Recently, you have come to the conclusion to put yourself out there on the dating scene again. You’ve decided to stop putting your happiness on hold and give this thing called “relationship” another go. You’re looking for the right person with whom you can share a happy and healthy life. Fantastic! Now—what about those kids? How much should they know about what you’re up to? (more…)
April 9th, 2008
Posted by Christa
More than 25 million baby boomers are single, according to recent studies. But if you’re 50+ and new to the dating scene - or simply tired of meeting the wrong types of people - it’s not always easy to find potential mates who fit your needs.
Some baby boomers try local pickup joints, which are typically filled with 20-somethings who seem like they’re speaking another language. And even the most dedicated 50+ single can get overwhelmed by the pumping music, the pierced noses and lips, and the sheer number of young people who pour into these clubs like lemmings to a cliff.
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February 3rd, 2008
Posted by Matt
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