Another happy story. A Table for 2 baby!

Just over 5 years ago, when I was a member at T42, I got matched up with my now husband on St. Patrick’s Day. There was a mix up at the restaurant and I got seated at a different table than him. I thought I was being stood up because I waited alone for 20 minutes!

 

 After we finally got together it went all right. I wasn’t sure there was any chemistry. I almost didn’t go out with him a second time, but my mother talked me into it. She said if I didn’t give him a chance that she would never again listen to me complain about how I never meet any nice men. I know all you singles can relate to that!

 

Anyway, that is all ancient history now because we got married in 2007 and we just had our first baby. We like to call him our Table for 2 baby. He was born in December and is the highlight of what seems like an enchanted life since I meet my prince charming.

 

Thank you Table for 2!

April 2nd, 2009 Posted by Lydia Walters

Yes really, take your mother’s advice!

As a dating and relationship enthusiast and expert, I have often pondered the age-old quandary of first date conversation. Not only is it important for the conversation to be appropriate, it is important that it can produce a positive outcome, like a second date!

 

Of course, I am not alone…Almost everyone has their own version of first date rules that they have read, heard, made up, or tried out. I have heard men say ridiculous things like, “Men have to keep the women talking about themselves the whole time.” And I have heard women say ridiculous things like “You have to make sure not to appear too independent.” In my experience, most rules like these actually prohibit you from getting to know each other better.

 

Let’s get serious. There is no one magic trick or recipe to make sure you ace a first date. There are way too many variables. The most important thing to remember in order to have the best date possible is to do what your mother always told you. Mind you manners and be polite. This does not just mean saying please and thank you. Although that is a good place to start. It means having polite conversation, an art that seems to be vanishing these days. As weird as it sounds, good manners will make you stand out in the modern dating arena.

 

Polite conversation means, first and foremost, absolutely no talking about the big three, sex, politics, or religion. I know these are important factors in knowing if you would want to cultivate a long-term relationship with someone, but they can wait until a few dates down the road. Just concentrate on enjoying each other’s company at first.

 

Some people will not agree with me on this one… But I highly recommend that you do not, touch, text, answer, or even look at your cell phone, especially if you are having dinner. This will immediately send the message that your mind is somewhere else. Also, it will put your date in the awkward place of trying to mind their own business while you are displaying your business in their face. Turn it off or leave it in the car if you have to.

 

Whatever your date asks you, do not engage in conversation about your ex. Why? Bad-mouthing people is never polite, so complaining about your ex is out.  If you adore and miss your ex, you are making your date uncomfortable, which is also impolite. It is best to just avoid any and all conversation about past relationships when you are first getting to know someone. No matter what you may think, they will judge you by your ex.

 

One last topic to avoid all together is one that seems should go without saying, but you wouldn’t believe how much I hear that this has come up on a first date… Mental illness or emotional problems are never ever appropriate to talk about on a first date. Can you believe I even have to say it?! Do not talk about your narcissistic mother, or your stint in rehab, your emotionally abusive ex, or the anti anxiety medication you have in your medicine cabinet. If you don’t understand why these are topics to avoid, please just trust me.

 

One final very important thing to keep in mind when you are on a first date, it is not just about you and what you want. While it is important for you to be figuring out if you would like to get to know the other person better, it is also important that you are thinking of them and if they are having a good time. Think about it, don’t you wish they were trying to make sure you are having a good time? Remember that other thing your mother always told you, the golden rule… Do I really have to say it?

March 13th, 2009 Posted by Lydia Walters

Another Happy Story At TFT…

“Hi Peg-
Dave proposed on Sat night. He had gone and had breakfast with my parents on Friday and got their blessing. We went to Pazzaluna for a drink, then to Kincaid’s for dinner and to Rice Park after.  We were walking toward where we stood watching the St. Patricks parade, which was our second date, and he told me that’s the day he really knew I was someone special.  Since it was so nice out, I suggestged we sit on a park bench and we were just talking and he told me he had a question for me.  I didn’t believe him at first!  The rest was kind of a blur- but when we got back to the car he had a CD in of a song that I had told him I wanted at my wedding someday. Then we went back to his house he had a big bouquet of flowers and a gift bag filled with things commemorating where we’ve been and what I will need to be his bride.  He had the menu from our first date, our tickets from Jersey Boys, for sale signs for our houses, a bottle of headache medicine, wine, an engagement journal, a book on weddings and a few other things- it was so sweet.  We both have agreed we knew we were the one right away- we have so much fun together and make each other so happy- it is awesome!  He picked the ring out all on his own, so it came as a bit of a surprise!

So a huge thank you!  I was teasing Dave, I never really got my money’s worth because he was my first date, but I couldn’t ask for anything more, nothing could replace the love and happiness he has brought to my life. 

Thanks again!!”
Lisa

September 25th, 2008 Posted by Matt

New dating lingo proposed for singles over 40

Are you single, over the age of 40, and dating? Do you feel silly calling someone you are dating your boyfriend, or girlfriend? You are not alone. When I hear those words, I picture blushing and giggly teenagers.  At this stage in your life, you are obviously men and women, not boys and girls. With the evolution of later life dating, why hasn’t the lingo caught up?

 I am proposing that singles unite and develop some new dating language. Using the words boy and girl to describe attached singles over forty seems to imply that they are less mature than their married counter-parts. While this may be true for a select few recent divorcees, people do not deserve this kind of stereotyping and persecution.  Singles take enough heat.

The Dating Partner

Many singles over 40 have a person (or people) with whom they casually go out with on a regular or semi regular basis. I think the term “dating partner” would work nicely to describe this type of relationship. A person who is your partner for dates and social functions, but not your exclusive significant other. This term could also be used to describe someone you have just started seeing, but it has not (yet?) evolved into anything serious.

 I actually can’t take credit for this one. I had a friend who used to use the term dating partner when she was “sowing her wild oats.” At first I chuckled, then I got used to it, then it made so much sense, I have been using it ever since! I have not been able to get it to catch on single handedly so I need your help!

The Companion

And what about people who are in exclusive long term relationships, but are not planning a wedding? In your teens or twenties, even early thirties, you would have considered this person your boyfriend or girlfriend. Consider the alternatives. “Lady friend” is a nice term for men to use, but it sounds very casual, and it doesn’t go both ways. “man friend” sounds ridiculous. In this instance I think the word “companion” works perfectly. You could say male companion or female companion if you’d prefer. This one has been around for a long time, but it is too far under the radar. Let’s bring it out and use it proudly!

Mature Words for Mature People

 Those of you dating while in your wiser years have different priorities than when you were young and foolish. You have learned from your mistakes and are much more sure of yourself this time around. You are well established and know what kind of people you enjoy being around. Your hormones have calmed down and your taste has become more refined. You don’t want a boyfriend or girlfriend to giggle and dream about. You want a compatible dating partner, or a companion to spend time with.

These words won’t effortlessly roll off your tongue from the beginning, but I promise if you give it a valiant effort, it will become easy and it will make so much more sense. And next time you have to go up to your boss to get time off to do something with your significant other’s family, you won’t have to sheepishly use the words boyfriend or girlfriend.

August 22nd, 2008 Posted by Lydia Walters

Perspectives on Sex

At Table For Two, we have an extremely wide variety of clients.

Every one has different past relationship situations as well as present circumstances and future relationship goals. When people are dating, regardless of their age, the issue of sex may come up. People are curious about what kind of sexual attitudes others have. We thought this slideshow from the Oprah.com was an interesting and informative tool for singles of all ages and all perspectives.  

Perspective on Sex Link 

August 7th, 2008 Posted by Matt

Midsummer Dating

Our precious MN summer is in full swing.  Chances are, even if you’re inundated with work, you’ll find some time to enjoy this beautiful weather.   There’s plenty of outdoor dining, the streets and parks are filled with people laughing, walking, having fun.  What have you been up to so far?

If you’re single, no doubt you’ve noticed the world is filled with happy couples.  Much as we all enjoy seeing happiness around us, there’s a hint of bittersweet in this picture for the uncoupled.  Thoughts may shift from “what a cute couple” to “they may look happy now…” all the way to the infamous “poor-me-I’m-so-unlucky.”

I know.  It’s easy to fall into this trap, and we all do it from time to time.  Just remember: viewing yourself as a victim is the single most detrimental attitude you can cultivate.  It suggests your reality is the product of other people, random forces and erratic events.  “I am the way I am because stuff happened to me.  I have been wronged, hurt, damaged.  I am a victim and I will remain that until other people choose to treat me with more respect.” 

This is problematic because we augment aspects of our lives which receive our attention.  When we cultivate a victim mindset, we accelerate the experience of powerlessness, pain and disappointment.   Here’s an example:

“Betty” declares: “I hate people. People are inconsiderate, sloppy, ill-mannered, bad-mouthed, loud and rude. “   Listening to her stories, you realize she’s absolutely right—Betty’s life is indeed filled with such people, giving her endless reason to feel hurt, slighted and left out. Her friend “Joe”, on the other hand, experiences the very same people differently.  He cultivates a mindset of “I like people.  People are interesting, kind, compassionate, and funny.” 

What Betty sees as “inconsiderate,” Joe interprets as “sometimes absent minded.”  When Betty thinks “loud,” he thinks “vivacious.”  What she considers “sloppy,” he sees as “relaxed,” what she thinks is “rude,” he sees as “irreverent,” and what she sees as “ill-mannered,” he considers “funny.”   Joe’s world is filled with people he likes.  People sense his care and respect for them.  They are drawn to him and treat him well.  Betty’s world is filled with trouble.  The people with whom she comes into contact sense her disdain for them and treat her accordingly.  Which world is yours?

If you’re serious about living happily, I suggest you start by paying attention to what’s right with people.  Notice what’s lovable about them, including the “Bettys” of this world.  Judge less, understand more.  If you can pull this off, I bet your life will begin to change.  You will attract new people, and you will like them.  You will also like yourself more.  You know that ideal partner you’re out to find?  Become that person first, the rest will follow.  Try it.

August 6th, 2008 Posted by Christa

Are you making a big dating mistake?

Let’s face it. Everyone commits dating blunders. Nerves and anxiety often make singles behave differently than normal on a first date. Everyone has felt that anxious pang of embarrassment…  “Oh no! “ Why did I say that? “ Why did I order such a messy entrée?” Or,“Why didn’t I get that new outfit?” Many of what you might consider dating mistakes or blunders are often far from critical. Avoiding certain mistakes, however, can be very important to the success of your dating and ultimately finding a companion.   

The “Wish list”

 Almost all single people have that idea of the perfect companion in their minds. A wish list with all of the characteristics and personality traits they desire in a partner. Many singles make an actual list, whether for their own reasons, or because they have joined a service, such as Table for Two. (more…)

1 comment July 28th, 2008 Posted by Lydia Walters

Bliss vs Chasing the Carrot

If you read this, chances are you’re single in search of a partner.  You already know being single in this part of the world can be, shall we say, challenging.  We’re inundated with messages that suggest “True happiness is reserved for couples and families.” While you’re frantically pursuing a partner who will finally make you happy, complete and acceptable in the eyes of others, the unhappily coupled (contrary to billboard messages, they do exist in abundance) are more likely to pay attention to a different message: “Being single is exciting.  Singles are wild things, free birds who think nothing of flying to Peru on a whim for a 3-week hike in the Andes.”  The result is everyone wants to trade places, and once there, trade back. Nobody’s happy.

We are being played like ping-pong balls.  Just when you thought you were somewhat okay, another deficiency is pointed out.  I’d like to write a list of the top 10 alternatives to this madness, but there’s only one, really:  Pay attention!

Start noticing the messages you’re taking in.  You’ll find them running circles in your head as you drive to work, perform mundane tasks, exercise—“Should I get a prescription for… I might have symptoms of…I’m tired of driving this bland car…need something more exciting…this air freshener I heard about…”  We already know there’s no end to this, but like the bunny with the carrot dangling in front of his nose, we keep running after solutions to our imagined problems.   The better, more acceptable, cooler and happier “me” must be just around the corner.   

While chasing that carrot, we forget one simple truth: Each one of us is already enough; we’re standing on a field of carrots, right here, right now.  What if we shifted the focus from “out there” to “within” and started digging?  

How’s this relevant to dating? Simple.  Find within you the qualities you seek in a partner.  You want a partner that’s kind?  Become kindness; live it, breathe it, pass it on.  Want someone who’s physically fit?  Become fit first.  Looking for someone who’s honest?  Be very diligent about the truth of your own words.  Once you discover what you seek within you, you will find it reflected in the world.  Smile at others, and you will find a friendlier world out there.  It all starts with you.

 

May 26th, 2008 Posted by Christa

The Top 5 Secrets to Flirting Successfully

In the matchmaking world, we see day in and day out what makes people successful in their dating lives. 

Frequently, individuals are passive in their approach to making a connection to others while dating.  Healthy flirting is the best way to “send signals” to the people you date to get them to open up, feel comfortable, and let them know the real you. 

(more…)

May 14th, 2008 Posted by Matt

Your Clothes: “I Have a Date – What Do I Wear?????!!!!”

Okay I’ve said this before, but spring really is here and since I’m a “glass half full” kind of gal, I’m stickin’ to it. That said, the weather IS going to get better and we’re going to be outside much more often. So what does one wear on a summer date?

Here are my fool-proof, Go-To date solutions for ladies and gents: (more…)

May 4th, 2008 Posted by Amy

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