Archive for August, 2008

New dating lingo proposed for singles over 40

Are you single, over the age of 40, and dating? Do you feel silly calling someone you are dating your boyfriend, or girlfriend? You are not alone. When I hear those words, I picture blushing and giggly teenagers.  At this stage in your life, you are obviously men and women, not boys and girls. With the evolution of later life dating, why hasn’t the lingo caught up?

 I am proposing that singles unite and develop some new dating language. Using the words boy and girl to describe attached singles over forty seems to imply that they are less mature than their married counter-parts. While this may be true for a select few recent divorcees, people do not deserve this kind of stereotyping and persecution.  Singles take enough heat.

The Dating Partner

Many singles over 40 have a person (or people) with whom they casually go out with on a regular or semi regular basis. I think the term “dating partner” would work nicely to describe this type of relationship. A person who is your partner for dates and social functions, but not your exclusive significant other. This term could also be used to describe someone you have just started seeing, but it has not (yet?) evolved into anything serious.

 I actually can’t take credit for this one. I had a friend who used to use the term dating partner when she was “sowing her wild oats.” At first I chuckled, then I got used to it, then it made so much sense, I have been using it ever since! I have not been able to get it to catch on single handedly so I need your help!

The Companion

And what about people who are in exclusive long term relationships, but are not planning a wedding? In your teens or twenties, even early thirties, you would have considered this person your boyfriend or girlfriend. Consider the alternatives. “Lady friend” is a nice term for men to use, but it sounds very casual, and it doesn’t go both ways. “man friend” sounds ridiculous. In this instance I think the word “companion” works perfectly. You could say male companion or female companion if you’d prefer. This one has been around for a long time, but it is too far under the radar. Let’s bring it out and use it proudly!

Mature Words for Mature People

 Those of you dating while in your wiser years have different priorities than when you were young and foolish. You have learned from your mistakes and are much more sure of yourself this time around. You are well established and know what kind of people you enjoy being around. Your hormones have calmed down and your taste has become more refined. You don’t want a boyfriend or girlfriend to giggle and dream about. You want a compatible dating partner, or a companion to spend time with.

These words won’t effortlessly roll off your tongue from the beginning, but I promise if you give it a valiant effort, it will become easy and it will make so much more sense. And next time you have to go up to your boss to get time off to do something with your significant other’s family, you won’t have to sheepishly use the words boyfriend or girlfriend.

August 22nd, 2008

Perspectives on Sex

At Table For Two, we have an extremely wide variety of clients.

Every one has different past relationship situations as well as present circumstances and future relationship goals. When people are dating, regardless of their age, the issue of sex may come up. People are curious about what kind of sexual attitudes others have. We thought this slideshow from the Oprah.com was an interesting and informative tool for singles of all ages and all perspectives.  

Perspective on Sex Link 

August 7th, 2008

Midsummer Dating

Our precious MN summer is in full swing.  Chances are, even if you’re inundated with work, you’ll find some time to enjoy this beautiful weather.   There’s plenty of outdoor dining, the streets and parks are filled with people laughing, walking, having fun.  What have you been up to so far?

If you’re single, no doubt you’ve noticed the world is filled with happy couples.  Much as we all enjoy seeing happiness around us, there’s a hint of bittersweet in this picture for the uncoupled.  Thoughts may shift from “what a cute couple” to “they may look happy now…” all the way to the infamous “poor-me-I’m-so-unlucky.”

I know.  It’s easy to fall into this trap, and we all do it from time to time.  Just remember: viewing yourself as a victim is the single most detrimental attitude you can cultivate.  It suggests your reality is the product of other people, random forces and erratic events.  “I am the way I am because stuff happened to me.  I have been wronged, hurt, damaged.  I am a victim and I will remain that until other people choose to treat me with more respect.” 

This is problematic because we augment aspects of our lives which receive our attention.  When we cultivate a victim mindset, we accelerate the experience of powerlessness, pain and disappointment.   Here’s an example:

“Betty” declares: “I hate people. People are inconsiderate, sloppy, ill-mannered, bad-mouthed, loud and rude. “   Listening to her stories, you realize she’s absolutely right—Betty’s life is indeed filled with such people, giving her endless reason to feel hurt, slighted and left out. Her friend “Joe”, on the other hand, experiences the very same people differently.  He cultivates a mindset of “I like people.  People are interesting, kind, compassionate, and funny.” 

What Betty sees as “inconsiderate,” Joe interprets as “sometimes absent minded.”  When Betty thinks “loud,” he thinks “vivacious.”  What she considers “sloppy,” he sees as “relaxed,” what she thinks is “rude,” he sees as “irreverent,” and what she sees as “ill-mannered,” he considers “funny.”   Joe’s world is filled with people he likes.  People sense his care and respect for them.  They are drawn to him and treat him well.  Betty’s world is filled with trouble.  The people with whom she comes into contact sense her disdain for them and treat her accordingly.  Which world is yours?

If you’re serious about living happily, I suggest you start by paying attention to what’s right with people.  Notice what’s lovable about them, including the “Bettys” of this world.  Judge less, understand more.  If you can pull this off, I bet your life will begin to change.  You will attract new people, and you will like them.  You will also like yourself more.  You know that ideal partner you’re out to find?  Become that person first, the rest will follow.  Try it.

August 6th, 2008