Bliss vs Chasing the Carrot

May 26th, 2008

If you read this, chances are you’re single in search of a partner.  You already know being single in this part of the world can be, shall we say, challenging.  We’re inundated with messages that suggest “True happiness is reserved for couples and families.” While you’re frantically pursuing a partner who will finally make you happy, complete and acceptable in the eyes of others, the unhappily coupled (contrary to billboard messages, they do exist in abundance) are more likely to pay attention to a different message: “Being single is exciting.  Singles are wild things, free birds who think nothing of flying to Peru on a whim for a 3-week hike in the Andes.”  The result is everyone wants to trade places, and once there, trade back. Nobody’s happy.

We are being played like ping-pong balls.  Just when you thought you were somewhat okay, another deficiency is pointed out.  I’d like to write a list of the top 10 alternatives to this madness, but there’s only one, really:  Pay attention!

Start noticing the messages you’re taking in.  You’ll find them running circles in your head as you drive to work, perform mundane tasks, exercise—“Should I get a prescription for… I might have symptoms of…I’m tired of driving this bland car…need something more exciting…this air freshener I heard about…”  We already know there’s no end to this, but like the bunny with the carrot dangling in front of his nose, we keep running after solutions to our imagined problems.   The better, more acceptable, cooler and happier “me” must be just around the corner.   

While chasing that carrot, we forget one simple truth: Each one of us is already enough; we’re standing on a field of carrots, right here, right now.  What if we shifted the focus from “out there” to “within” and started digging?  

How’s this relevant to dating? Simple.  Find within you the qualities you seek in a partner.  You want a partner that’s kind?  Become kindness; live it, breathe it, pass it on.  Want someone who’s physically fit?  Become fit first.  Looking for someone who’s honest?  Be very diligent about the truth of your own words.  Once you discover what you seek within you, you will find it reflected in the world.  Smile at others, and you will find a friendlier world out there.  It all starts with you.


Entry Filed under: Relationships