Top 10 Dating Mistakes

May 1st, 2008

Being in the dating business for the last ten, almost eleven years, we at Table for Two have heard feedback from thousands of first dates.  First dates are tough!  There is often a lot of anxiety and people can say and do things that are outside their normal character because their nerves get the better of them.   Sometimes it just helps to hear what is and is not acceptable on a first date.  Our tips are all common sense; but, if you review them periodically, you may avoid the all too common foot-in-mouth syndrome!

#10)  Don’t go into a first date with undue pressure on the outcome.  The best outcome of a first date, is a second date!  If you go into a first date with the expectation that you are on your way to meet your future spouse, you are setting yourself up for disaster and you will appear desperate.  Be open and relaxed and go into the date hoping to meet a new friend.  If you are attracted to each other as friends, then the next steps will follow.  Discover that spark through getting to know each other.  Don’t force it!

#9)  Do not under any circumstances badmouth your ex.  Doing so makes you look bad in so many ways.  You may feel nervous about justifying your last breakup.  You need not be.  Relationships are not always successful and it does not have to turn into a blame game.  Someone who admits his or her part in the break-up and who maintains a civil relationship with prior partners is far more attractive than someone who harbors resentment and cannot move one.  Leave that baggage behind!  Your date will be more likely to give you a chance if he can anticipate you will treat him with respect, even if things do not work out.  Plus, you once were attracted to your ex, and if he is such a terrible person what does that say about your judgment?

#8)  Avoid inappropriate comments or jokes.  This should go without saying but it is surprising how often it occurs.  People get nervous and sometimes say things that are outside their normal character.  Do not make racial jokes, snobbish remarks, social stereotypes, anything to put down someone’s upbringing or heritage.  You may think you are being funny but the only person that it makes look bad is you.  It is a sure sign of insecurity and negativity.  Not once have we had a new client come to us requesting a “negative and judgmental person!”  Kindness goes a long way.  You need to be on your best behavior and put your best foot forward.  You cannot do that if it is in your mouth.

#7)  Do not go on a first date to a movie, play or concert.  A first date is a bit like an interview.  It is a chance to talk and find out things about one another.  You cannot do that in a movie theater.  Having dinner together in a relaxed environment is ideal.  Dinner is usually the ideal length to have a nice, interesting conversation.  There are usually enough interruptions by the wait staff to overcome any awkward silent periods and keep the discussion light and fun. 

#6)  A drink or two is fine, but do not drink too much.  First dates can be high anxiety and a drink can help relax the mood and calm your jitters but do not go overboard.  Even if you do not have a drinking problem, you only have one chance to make a first impression.  You do not want it to be as a lush.  You must keep your wits about you so you can be charming and attentive. 

#5)  Don’t neglect your appearance.  Again, you only have one chance to make a first impression.  Everyone could always use some sprucing up and when you are dating it is a must.  Consult a professional and put your best foot forward, be it an updated hair color or style, a new workout routine, or simply a new outfit.  No one ever comes to us requesting someone who appears “old” or “out of shape”!  Feeling good about your appearance boosts your self confidence and will shine through in your personality. 

#4)  Keep your skeletons in the closet!  Sometimes people are so nervous on a date that they share far more about their lives and the lives of their friends and family members than they should.  While you may be tempted to fill the awkward silences in the conversation with scandalous or highly personal information, save that for later in the relationship after mutual trust has been established. 

#3)  Don’t sabotague your chance of success by dating too far out of your own age range.  Be realistic.  You may not feel or “look” your age and you may want to date someone much younger than you.  Both men and women tell us that everyday. But, if you are looking for true compatibility, there is a limit to the age range you should consider.  Most people are successful staying +/- 10 years of there own age.  Much outside of that range you simply may not “speak the same language”.

#2)  Don’t only focus on beauty.  Physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.  Compatibility is key for long-term success.  Of course having a spark is important.  But after that spark dies, is there substance beneath it?  On your first date, don’t be blinded by beauty.  See past it and look to discover what is underneath.

#1)  Look for compatible dating goals.  If you want to settle down and find someone to bear your children, and she is just out of a relationship and wants to sow her wild oats, then she is probably not a good match for you… at least right now.  There is a definite cycle people must go through to deal with their feelings and move on after a relationship.  If you catch someone too early, or too late for that matter, your goals may not be compatible with hers.

Entry Filed under: Relationships